Saturday, May 12, 2007
Weekend Blogger Book Review, Part I
Remember when I wrote that very popular, Broker-acclaimed weekend blogger article on seasonality in the stock market? (You know, the one where I somehow managed to escape the pangs of public humiliation and unemployment?) Well, in a strange twist of fate, it seems that I've managed to set myself up for failure once again, and given this second chance, I fully intend to restore the weekend blogger position to its rightful place as an object of ridicule. I promise to you dear reader, that this time around, I'll be writing the kind of editorial garbage that inevitably brings about an ugly and violent weekend blogger coup d'État. You see, I've got just the right weapon to inspire the kind of crude, ad hominem attacks that are the hallmark of the weekend blogger position-- I've got a book report.
Yeah, I know that a book report probably sounds really boring to you. I know that the very idea of it makes you want to riot as if you were a young, unemployed Parisian; but I'm pretty sure that those of you that are humble and eager to learn will appreciate it. After all, If Broker recommended the book to me, then it's probably worth your time to take a look at it too (unless you think you're smarter than Broker or something).
And that's what I'm bringing to the table today. I'm "generously" letting you in on something valuable that Broker communicated to me, and that's why I think that you'll want to read this. I'm banking on the fact that, since you probably visit this site every day for the same reason that I do (specifically, to catch a glimpse of what enables Broker to keep raping the markets), you'll be more than happy for any piece of the puzzle-- especially since Broker is too busy "countin' stacks" to spend much time sharing his secret recipe with the unwashed.
But before we begin...since many of you are only looking for a stock pick to bet the farm on (or to loudly criticize in an effort to oust the reigning champ and thereby secure your own weekend blogger position), here's a "sure thing" stock pick:
Jeremy Buy: BOA.V
I bought 10,000,069 BOA.V @ $102.88
Disclaimer: If you buy BOA.V because of this post, you and your promiscuous wife will have to make several more appearances on the Maury show to find the real baby daddy of your son, nine-year-old Tyrone Junior (criminal alias: "O.G. Super Murder").
"More on this later."
Yeah, I know that a book report probably sounds really boring to you. I know that the very idea of it makes you want to riot as if you were a young, unemployed Parisian; but I'm pretty sure that those of you that are humble and eager to learn will appreciate it. After all, If Broker recommended the book to me, then it's probably worth your time to take a look at it too (unless you think you're smarter than Broker or something).
And that's what I'm bringing to the table today. I'm "generously" letting you in on something valuable that Broker communicated to me, and that's why I think that you'll want to read this. I'm banking on the fact that, since you probably visit this site every day for the same reason that I do (specifically, to catch a glimpse of what enables Broker to keep raping the markets), you'll be more than happy for any piece of the puzzle-- especially since Broker is too busy "countin' stacks" to spend much time sharing his secret recipe with the unwashed.
But before we begin...since many of you are only looking for a stock pick to bet the farm on (or to loudly criticize in an effort to oust the reigning champ and thereby secure your own weekend blogger position), here's a "sure thing" stock pick:
Jeremy Buy: BOA.V
I bought 10,000,069 BOA.V @ $102.88
Disclaimer: If you buy BOA.V because of this post, you and your promiscuous wife will have to make several more appearances on the Maury show to find the real baby daddy of your son, nine-year-old Tyrone Junior (criminal alias: "O.G. Super Murder").
Comments:
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A BoA product? Good call J! Too bad you didn't buy more. This BOA.V looks like it's going to rocket! (uh...right). Are you shittin' me? A monkey eyeballing stocks at random from the newspaper he just crapped on could make a better pick than you. I heard the intern program at BoA has some openings for asshats. Maybe you should apply. I can't wait to see what the next pick is.... Broker, hand this man his head.
Holy shit, you have numerous errors in the above post.
"After all, If Broker recommended the book to me, then it's probably worth your time to take a look at it too (unless you think you're smarter than Broker or something)."
You fucking capitalized "I" in "if."
You call yourself an English speaking blogger?
Thus far, I give this paper an F-.
"After all, If Broker recommended the book to me, then it's probably worth your time to take a look at it too (unless you think you're smarter than Broker or something)."
You fucking capitalized "I" in "if."
You call yourself an English speaking blogger?
Thus far, I give this paper an F-.
Out of respect for his nerly 25% YTD return you should be referring to him as "The Fly".
This is down there with Taco's first post.
This is down there with Taco's first post.
Trivial capitalization mistakes now constitute multiple errors? Shit! (Unless you were able to find something else...)
Broker, watch your back. From now on, everything that you write will be closely scrutinized by me, and when I find a mistake, it will be brought into the public consciousness with great fanfare and without any concern for your career or family.
Broker, watch your back. From now on, everything that you write will be closely scrutinized by me, and when I find a mistake, it will be brought into the public consciousness with great fanfare and without any concern for your career or family.
And I quote,
Broker A said...
Jeremy--
You have a great skill for writing. Whenever you want a weekend blogging slave job, feel free to email me and I'll hire you on the spot.
Lord, where did I go wrong? Oh yeah...I was smoking crack when I wrote this last night at 3:15 AM (as evidenced by the time stamp). Oops.
Broker A said...
Jeremy--
You have a great skill for writing. Whenever you want a weekend blogging slave job, feel free to email me and I'll hire you on the spot.
Lord, where did I go wrong? Oh yeah...I was smoking crack when I wrote this last night at 3:15 AM (as evidenced by the time stamp). Oops.
I think that capital was there to show deep respect to "THE FLY" sort of like one would do when mentioning The Pope.
Gas hit $3.20 in Missouri today. Mr. and Mrs. Joe Six-Pack should be feeling it soon.
I'm going to take Eric "The Tan Man's" advice and buy CVX.
Gotta go wash the Taurus.
Gas hit $3.20 in Missouri today. Mr. and Mrs. Joe Six-Pack should be feeling it soon.
I'm going to take Eric "The Tan Man's" advice and buy CVX.
Gotta go wash the Taurus.
GRAMMATICAL ALERT! (WOOP WOOP WOOP)
The sentence, "You fucking capitalized 'I' in 'if.'" lacks grammatical clarity and necessary articles. Please correct it such that it reads as follows:
You fucking capitalized THE "I" in "if."
How ironic! What an embarrassment!
The sentence, "You fucking capitalized 'I' in 'if.'" lacks grammatical clarity and necessary articles. Please correct it such that it reads as follows:
You fucking capitalized THE "I" in "if."
How ironic! What an embarrassment!
Mr. Jeremey still has the weekend to appease and entertain the masses. A grammer error is rather small to pick at. Wait till after he passes on information and gives his written book report before making judgement.
We have footage of what happens to "book reporters" who fuck up Fly's retarded blog with improper grammar:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-txSBNsK9Zw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-txSBNsK9Zw
an·y·ways /ˈɛniˌweɪz/
–adverb Nonstandard.
Your grammatical errors reflect outright ignorance; my tiny grammatical error (which Fly *sarcastically* pointed out and is not grammatical in nature) reflects carelessness. There's a big difference there, chief.
Everyone else should be polishing their analytical and argumentative skills in preparation for the next part of the article. I don't want to see any more of this, "I'm too dumb to find anything of substance to criticize, so I'll just pick at the trivial" stuff.
–adverb Nonstandard.
Your grammatical errors reflect outright ignorance; my tiny grammatical error (which Fly *sarcastically* pointed out and is not grammatical in nature) reflects carelessness. There's a big difference there, chief.
Everyone else should be polishing their analytical and argumentative skills in preparation for the next part of the article. I don't want to see any more of this, "I'm too dumb to find anything of substance to criticize, so I'll just pick at the trivial" stuff.
I never said your grammar was fucked up, just your lack of respect for the English language.
Plus anyway, "The Fly" feels threatened by your high approval ratings and is working to undermine your weekend blogging efforts.
Carry on.
Plus anyway, "The Fly" feels threatened by your high approval ratings and is working to undermine your weekend blogging efforts.
Carry on.
Allen: You get the fucking idiot comment of the day award from me.
* I D I O T ! *
I sure hope you were kidding that you didn't notice Mr. Jeremy bought fucking 1 Billion dollars worth of BoA. If not then you really do deserve the award in non-internets reality.
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* I D I O T ! *
I sure hope you were kidding that you didn't notice Mr. Jeremy bought fucking 1 Billion dollars worth of BoA. If not then you really do deserve the award in non-internets reality.
# posted by 
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