Saturday, September 01, 2007
HWAY: Growing Fat and Sick. Just Like Their Patients.
- Vanderbilt has one of the nation's best medical schools
- Hospital chains are present (HCA is headquartered here and was recently taken private)
- The pharmacy business is here with Caremark
- Insurance is here, R&D, etc...it's a powerful cluster
- Healthways hit an earnings snag in the third quarter, when the company announced on July 5th that it had lowered its earnings guidance for the 2007 fiscal year - down to $1.21 to $1.44 per share. That's about 20 cents per share lower than its previous guidance.
- Goldman, citing a "market dislocation" downgraded on valuation concerns.
- Despite the news, the stock has climbed on decreasing volume. Some I've talked to think this "dislocation" is actually accumulation prior to a take-over attempt. Perhaps. More likely, a result of this contract win and Jefferies price target of $60. Hope springs eternal at Jefferies.
Here's why I think HWAY is running out of steam and will retest/break below the 50 day:
- Employees tell me the company is becoming increasingly frustrated with domestic growth opportunities. As a result they are pushing internationally, hence the company name change.
- International opportunities, like the aforementioned contract win, are harder to monetize and operationalize than domestic ones.
- The company is making, at least to my eyes, desperate attempts to keep the growth story alive including buying Axia, a company that...get this:
'With an integrated suite of prevention programs, Axia Health Management is an industry leader in preventive health care by incorporating personalized solutions that help healthy individuals stay healthy and improve the health of those already affected by disease or disability. This is accomplished through a high-touch delivery system of over 10,000 fitness center locations, 3,000 Axia-certified health improvement instructors and over 30,000 health and complementary and alternative medicine providers including personal trainers, massage therapists, nutritionists, acupuncturists and chiropractors. The cornerstone of Axia’s suite of products is the SilverSneakers® Fitness Program, a unique physical activity program offered to nearly three million Medicare-eligible members in 42 states at more than 2,100 fitness centers and class sites."
- Simply stated, Axia is the YMCA staffed by voodoo doctors. Half a billion for that!
- I could go on about the nursing shortage, how they are having problems retaining front line nurses to work "on the phones" with patients...how they are building a massive corporate headquarters, shaped like an H, with some of the most luxurious and decadent furnishings I've ever seen...
As I write this I have no interest, long or short, in HWAY. It could be acquired. It could hit that $60 target Jefferies projected. I will wait for either more bad news or a break below the 50 day before I short it. Please, do your own due diligence...or you might get the blues.
Larry Carlton is a guitar legend. He lives in the rolling hills outside Nashville. You know his work from countless sessions including work with Steely Dan, Joni Mitchell, Billy Joel, and Quincy Jones. Now you know the man:
Early Saturday AM Thought
While everyone on the west coast is eating dainty portions of fresh-sliced mango and cruelty-free strawberry over a bed of sprouted organic wheat toast, drizzled with the blood of the less beautiful...
...and on the east coast people are just getting home from yesterday's work commute. I think the NYC to Holmdel line is down to 14 hours one way, which is great. So, they snarf a large Dunkin' Donuts coffee (poured into a Starbucks cup, of course), gnaw some beef jerky, and chase it with antibiotics...because those trains are filthy.
Here in the south, we wake up to the smell of Magnolia trees while we decide which of our local eateries to visit. Today we are going to eat at the Loveless Cafe.
We will wait patiently for our chance to fill up on handmade biscuits (real biscuits, not from a cardboard tube), slathered in homemade fruit preserves (I like peach). Tender eggs. Thick-cut smoked bacon. Country ham. Buttery grits. Savory hash browns. Hot, hot coffee.
While we wait, we will chat it up with perfect strangers. No fear of robbery. No fear of the MS-13. Just strangers sharing pleasantries with each other on the front porch. Conversation will drift to work...and work to stocks...we will learn that HWAY is on a tear. We will learn that Nissan is relocating its headquarters from Los Angeles to Nashville six months before it happens (we will buy some land not far from the rumored site). We will meet an executive at PNFP and learn that it is taking share at a blistering pace. "Nice to meet you. Enjoy your breakfast."
Once seated, we notice the likes of Faith Hill and Tim McGraw, who will be able to eat in peace, not bothered by fans - because we aren't fans, we're family.
Let's say grace. Dig in. That's what breakfast in the south is like.
Update: My son has scratched the Loveless. We are going to the Pancake Pantry instead.
Friday, August 31, 2007
It All Started With A Dream
Pass the tissues.
May I be an encouragement to you?
In an earlier post I mentioned my schooling. I think I did that in an attempt to silence all of the hillbilly jokes, to bring credibility to my posts. Truth is, I am no ivory towers milquetoast spoon fed kid from Westchester. I have learned more from a hard life than I ever learned in school. Shit has been hard, but I have learned from the blows. I won't bore you with my grewuppoorburiedmybrotherandfatherfailedoutofcollegestartedoutsellingcopiersthen
tryingtosupportmywifebackdooredmywayintobusinessschool life. But I will share this:
Somewhere along the line I learned to believe in myself. It was bulding over time, but there was one miraculous moment where things changed for me. Many years ago I had a reoccurring dream. Went like this:
In my dream I saw myself at the computer, as if I was looking at myself over my shoulder. I watched myself invest my entire life savings in YHOO. Bought it at $9.37. A split second later, I was selling YHOO at $50. A starter gun sounded...BANG. I woke up soaking wet, heart beating 180, sitting straight up in my bed, terrified in a brush-with-death sort of way. Strange reaction to a dream about stocks, huh?
I woke my wife up. She said "that's nice dear." Back to sleep we went.
Next night same dream. Exactly the same dream and same reaction. Told my wife about it. She was very serious and contemplative this time. I chalked it up to pizza.
My wife called me at my office the next day. "Did you buy that stock you dreamed about?" "No," I replied. "What are you waiting for?" she said. We argued. "Are you sure? This is crazy. What if we lose it all?" Her words to me: "I TRUST YOU." Biggest words she ever spoke to me.
I put in a market order, somewhat haphazardly. It was my first-ever self-directed trade. BOT $9.37. I didn't realize until I got home that it was the exact price as in the dream. I was freaked. All of my close friends thought I was nuts. A few days later, maybe the next day, it popped to $14. Then up and away. Almost 18 months later, I sold at $50. Exactly as the dream occurred.
Did I intuit something? Did I have a gift? Was I...am I...nugging futz? I have my opinions. I'm sure you have yours.
In the end the thing I remember most was my wife trusting me. She believed in me. Her faith in me was jet fuel. That's what gave me the hustle and drive. That's what gave me the balls to take risks. I am now 38, have all the resources I need, and no longer work for the man. I am off-the-grid as they say.
So, this holiday weekend you might not have a crazy dream to buy YHOO (frankly, it is a lousy stock now). But I hope you find a little extra something to believe in yourself.
Hear me loud an clear: do not buy stocks based on a dream. It is pure insanity. I would not do it now, and am staggered I did it then.
John Hiatt has a farm not far from my house. Never met him, but he kicks ass.
PS - this is a true story.
BOOM: Explosive Gains
I have been long BOOM since early 2005. I have held a core position of 25k shares and trade around the core. The stock is given to radical swings, and it sometimes causes me fits of rage… and diarrhea. I have held up to ~50k shares at any one time, in order to exploit some of these radical swings.
As an aside…speaking of “information asymmetry,” I first learned of BOOM during a lunch appointment in Boulder, CO, the town in which I grew up. BOOM is based in Boulder. I’ll spare you the details, but suffice it to say that staying connected within your community is a great way to exploit little-known opportunities. This pick did not come from my aforementioned screening process.
- On July 26, BOOM reported 2Q results
- Net income of $5.7 million, or $0.46 per share, on revenues of $34.5 million.
- Revenues were up 24% and net income was up 13% YOY
- BOOM beat top and bottom line estimates by 5% and 10%, respectively
- Margins improved, mgmt guided margins higher
- Mgmt guided top-line growth up to 30%
- DEMAND: Backlog jumped to $84.7 million during a period of record revenues – meaning bookings have accelerated. Demand for their goods is exceptional. The company even revealed that they are now penetrating “alternative energy” spaces.
- CAPACITY: BOOM now has the power to unlock the backlog at a faster rate than ever while simultaneously meeting accelerating new bookings due to a doubling of capacity in its main plant in Mt. Braddock, PA. This was a costly and lengthy capital expansion (funded without debt, might I add). The company also modernized its European facility.
- SUPPLY CHAIN: A major bottleneck has been tight supply of raw materials. The company has indicated that the supply chain kinks have been smoothed.
- NEW PRODUCTS: Ramp up of a specialty welding division, servicing GE and Boeing among others.
- COMPETITION: None to speak of.
- SHORT SQUEEZE: 12M shares in the float, almost 100% institutional ownership, 2.3MM shares short. Some one is gonna get hurt.
Here’s a clip from Nashville-based rock group The Features; they too “Blow it out.”
UPDATE: Please visit Btuff's blog for in-depth discussion on BOOM.
Exploiting Market Inefficiencies and Information Asymmetry
Nonetheless, there are tons of inefficiencies in the market. Finding and leveraging inefficiencies is the key to success. Look for "information asymmetry" that can be exploited to your advantage. Heck, it can even come from a friend deep inside the belly of a company: "Geez, we sure are having trouble ramping all of these new clients."
In order to exploit these opportunities, I have tried to develop and refine a methodology to scan, screen, and rank potential opportunities. This was born of hard work and fortunate educational opportunities (graduate business school at Vandy, post grad at HBS). I may share my methodology, but I will certainly share some picks resulting from my work.
Are you ready to do some work?
Here are my friends Steve and Dan with Jars of Clay, another fine Nashville-based act, doing some of their best "Work" ever.
Welcome to Nashville. Now y'all go home.
This weekend I'd like to share with you some of my favorite stocks and forward-looking investment ideas.
I'd also like to make you aware of investing opportunities in businesses headquartered in my hometown, Nashville, TN. Nashville is the coolest little city - a small town at heart, with a vibrant arts scene and a tight-knit business community. As such, a socially connected investor can learn quite a bit about our publicly traded companies over dinner, drinks...even at church. See, we really are a small town at heart.
In the meantime, here's a clip from one of Nashville's finest, Emmylou Harris, accompanied by my friend Buddy Miller on guitar.
I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holiday weekend.
Linkin Park - Carousel
Today, net-net, I was a seller, mainly because people with "calculator brain's" take profits when stocks are up-- and buy when OTB guy's (you) get flushed out.
Moreover, it's worth noting, my year to date gains are above 30% or more than yours, despite what you may claim.
In short, I have ample cash available to buy a dip, and good positions on the sheets. Some of my new holdings include: iiG, DCI, AXR and PVH.
Finally, I have decided to keep UNG, even if natural gas goes to zero. Basically, it's a stupid commodity, which is dependent on "Canes of Death" or paralyzing Arctic weather. As you know, "The Fly" will be averaging down, fucktard style.
NOTE: AZZ may be cheap.
Off to grill some large flank steaks.
Fly Sell: ATI
Late Day Thought
Position Update: VMI
LNN is next.
Bulls (Romans) versus Bears (Barbarian Horde)
Fly Buy: IIG
UPDATE: I bought 2,000 @ $18.65.
UPDATE II: I bought 2,000 @ $18.55.
Disclaimer: If you buy iiG because of this post, you will become obsessed with shorting great stocks. And, you may lose money.
Fly Buy: DCI
Disclaimer: If you buy DCI because of this post, Bernanke will shave his beard. And, you may lose money.
Fly Buy: AXR
Disclaimer: If you buy AXR because of this post, alligators will occupy your swimming pool. And, you may lose money.
Sector Spotlight: Energy
As you know, people with far more assets than you have steaks to grill this weekend. Additionally, these mystery investors do not want to be fucked with, at the moment, by a bunch of retarded, spastic, e-trade hatfuckers--who believe their purchase of QID will drag the market lower.
Fuck you, we're going higher.
As a matter of fact, for today only, any attempt by you (internet fools) to fuck with my bullish mood, will be met with an automated canned response, which will read: "Fuck you, we're going higher."
As for today's trading:
Fuck you, we're going higher.
NOTE: My weatherman is warning of a possible "Homeless maker" entering the GOM, within a week. As a result, "The Fly" is buying GLF, ALJ and UNG. Also, I like AXR, iiG and LNN.
Shorts Southern Fried
Good night, bearshitters.
UPDATE: Getting ready to celebrate "future banked coin" at Doug "fuckbag" Kass's expense, via 3 inch thick rib eye--of course.
UPDATE II: Message for bears-
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Wu Tang: Winter Warz
Also, looking over some of your fucktarded comments, I can say, without doubt, most of you are fools--with very low IQ's and no social skills.
God willing, the market will bore me to death tomorrow; mainly because I need a break from the "fuck you, you're dead roller coaster."
I see LNN failed to break $40, again. Stubbornly, I will continue to buy it, until global warming is eliminated or if the stock hits $45.
Also, I liked the action in AAPL, RIMM and iiG.
Finally, this stupid blog is about to reach 1 million hits, with 10 consecutive months of traffic growth. Honestly, if I gave a goats fuck about "traffic" or "stupid community of weird internet people," I'd say "gee, thanks for visiting." However, since this is not the case, I'm going to go eat a sandwich and drink another Monster, while chuckling, not laughing, at how stupid this man is.
Late Day Thought
Sector Spotlight: Financials
I know, you are thinking: "hey, asshole, how do you know this?"
My reply, as always: "Fucktard, I have a time machine."
If you are short the market, cover now, else you will be covering later--for much bigger losses.
Already, Naz 100 stocks are mud stomping the shorts, with gains in GRMN, RIMM, NVDA, AAPL, CELG and BIIB.
Personally, I'm enjoying caffeinated gains in RIMM, NTRI, ATI, VMI, AAPL, VLO, ALJ and OEH.
In short, the gap lower this morning was a fucking gift. However, the financials still suck straw, with mean losses in ABK, MS, NCC, CS, DB, HRB and BCS.
Just avoid the sector.
As for me, I have a list of new stocks on my purchase list, most of them have exposure to the filtration business. Don't ask.
My list includes CLC, DCI, PLL, PMFG, PH and maybe FLDR.
NOTE: It appears iiG's CEO, Don "dollar" Danks will not be stepping down. Bad news for the bears. I still like the name, especially going into earnings.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Within my holdings, NTRI, GME, NEU, RIMM, CN, AAPL, FXI, VMI and MVIS performed best. Additionally, I feel both iiG and LNN are the "cheapest" of my holdings, with significant upside potential.
Naturally, most bears didn't see this rally coming, as their small "low IQ" brains were unable to see past armageddon (As you know, "The Fly's" IQ is 155). Try to keep in mind, in general, short sellers are mentally ill, who are unable to discern the difference between a chart from a fart. Meaning: No matter what their fucking charts look like, they always see the worst case scenario, pointing to "possible tops" or "obvious break downs."
Basically, today's rally erased yesterday's decline, effectively causing "The Fly's" blood pressure to hit an all-time high.
Just yesterday, I was throwing wooden chairs at my trader/servant. Today, I let him take a lunch break.
As for tomorrow, I suspect the market will continue to melt the shorts, like candles, amidst a fury of short covering.
Long term, there are still many things that can and will go wrong. Until then, enjoy the rally and fuck the shorts.
NOTE: Fat Mountain bitches lose it all.
Quick Alert: Fly's Technical Analyst Makes a Prediction for the Bears
Fly Buy: iiG
Disclaimer: If you buy iiG because of this post, Hansen will stop making Monster. And, you may lose money.
Quick Alert: Fading
Already, many of the DOW components are being picked off, which include DD, AIG, JPM, AXP, KO and C.
Thus far, the nasdaq has faired better, but stay on alert for key reversals in stocks like AMZN, RIMM, AAPL and GRMN.
In short, the underpinnings of today's rally still look robust, but thanks to the banking fools; the sellers are attempting to run down key DOW stocks.
My best guess, the sellers lose and we close near the highs of the day. Tech is too strong to break, today.
"Idea's are Bulletproof"
Sector Spotlight: Semiconductors
These fuckers don't know their dicks from a doorknob. Nothing goes down in a straight line.
As for today:
We will be up 150+ today. Write that down you stupid fucks. I used my time machine to get that information.
Within the market, the semi's are poleaxing the bears, taking all of their lazy gains back from yesterday. Right now, I like NVDA, SMTC, EMKR, CMOS, AMD, INTC, CHRT and SNDK.
Look, if you came to this website, hoping to find some stupid charts with squiggly lines on them, you've come to the wrong place. As you know, fucktards rely on charts, mainly because they have zero connections on Wall Street or they are both lazy and ignorant.
However, it's worth noting, "The Fly" does keep his monthly income charted--going back 7 years.
Finally, this morning I bought VMI, LNN, iiG, ATI, ALJ and NTRI.
"I Can't Believe We're Going Down Again"
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
15 Minutes for the Bears
Ice Cube: Check Yo Self
Look you, I have no formal training in the field of economics, despite it being my major in college. I just see things more vividly than all of you (not most).
When the markets "shit the shower" like this, I ask for two things in return: 1. Turn off the MVIS question box, for I could give two flying goat fucks about it, when the market is down 2%. 2. Quit telling me how inflationary shit is, while Bernanke is smoking crack pipe.
In short, currently, the market is oversold, which is why I traded out of my small SRS position. Additionally, volume is virtually non-existent, and CNBC's annoyance level is at an all-time high.
Pardon my lack of coherent discussion, but I'm in a rambling "blow my house up for the insurance money" type of mood.
So, what to do now?
Well, for starters, understand how gay the banks are, while the Fed is playing gangster with the CDO fuckers.
However, if you are betting against the banking fools, understand that tanner men than you will beg, borrow and steal to stay alive. Therefore, it may be a crowded trade.
As for new buys:
Well, I assume the metals will bounce and select tech. However, it's worth noting, "The Fly" lacks conviction, while stuff is being "mushroom clouded."
As you know, some of my long term fav's are HANS, MVIS, LNN, FMCN; but who cares?
Every man for himself, fuckers. I've got my boots strapped tight and a rambo knife glued to my hand.
NOTE: Please take the new "Fly Survey." Are you bullish or bearish?
NOTE II: Thank you SEC for the elimination of the uptick rule.
NOTE III: It looks like Mr. Asshat is calling me some "College kid" from the queer state of California. Does this guy get anything right? Call me a "bulltard" again and I'll track you down and throw peanut butter on your favorite lawn chair, in addition to melting down your beartarded blog, via internet laser beam.
Fly Sell: SRS
This should make you feel better.
Fly Buy: SRS
Disclaimer: If you buy SRS because of this post, you too will fear inflation, effectively causing your brain to poleax your portfolio. And, you may lose money.
Quick Alert: Wall Street Vomits on the Fed
These fuckers are still fighting inflation, reminiscent of the Japanese soldiers marooned on that island-- still fighting WWII 50 years after the fact.
In short, for some reason, the Fed is interested in "mushroom clouding" equity holders.
So, in my humble opinion, sell now or die young amidst stock market carnage, saddled with massive amounts of debt, after your Mcmansion is forclosed on and your wife and kids leave you.
Quick Alert: Weather Update
From the vantage point of his bullshit helicopter, he tells me there is "no chance" for significant "money making opportunities," with regards to "pending Canes of horror."
As you know, "global warming" is stopping the formation of hurricanes in the GOM, as all of Earth's hot air hangs out in the North Pole--and shit like that.
In short, natty is not ready to move yet.
NOTE: Considering my weatherman's ridiculously bad track record (he said Katrina would "melt away/not a single rain drop will fall" on New Orleans) "94l" may be the biggest future hurricane known to mankind.
"Never, never interrupt me"
Sector Spotlight: Financials
If you are trying to find a silver lining, good luck fuck-o; this market is toasty.
Within the financials, FMT, NITE, NFI, TMA, IVZ, LEH, TGIC, RDN, RWT, amongst others, look as good as shit shingles.
However, considering the recent decline, the financials are overdue a sympathy bounce.
In addition to the "machine gunning" of financials, basic resource stocks are getting lit the fuck up, with losses in CENX, ATI, ACH and FCX (trust me, there are many more losers).
In short, I am going to blame this whole decline, like others, on the Federal Reserve, mainly because it makes me feel better. Naturally, without a rate cut, the Fed will annihilate the economy. However, it's also worth noting, a series of rate cuts may not help us--short term. Ultimately, the economy is going to have to sort out its own problems. There is no silver bullet or magical rate cut that will make people go buy shit from Home Depot.
Basically, forget hubris, it's time to hedge your bets.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Quick Alert: Mozilo Talks to Shareholders
This just in:
As you know, I have been "dumping" stock on the open market, while handing out loans to OTB/Sub-Prime guy's. Over the last few decades, my obsessive tanning routine has led to the baking of my brains and roasting of my balls, so my shrink says.
Proudly, I've managed this company with the same vigor and lending standards as the Italian Mafia, minus all the broken legs and collar bones. Needless to say, I am confident CFC will tan its way to a new all time high, after hitting new lows (my editor says that sentence is incoherent. I believe he is lying).
My main concern, naturally, is to tan my ass and face, until my DNA is altered to reflect my "tropical aura."
Speaking of tropical, as the mortgage meltdown commences, I will be visiting the Island of Puerto Rico, where I will sip, profusely, many pina colada's, while taking in some long overdue rays.
Finally, the point of this note is to tell you how cool my new tanning machine is, while informing you how "uncool" the mortgage's are.
Sorry Dude, I have to go see about a new lotion.
It's easy to be complacent, wait around for something fun to happen. However, seasonality says you better pay attention to the market, particularly where danger lurks (financials).
In my opinion, it makes sense being long SRS (homebuilder short), short LAZ (60%+ of revenue derived from m&a), while long basic materials (ATI, RS, CENX, KALU) or niche plays-- like iiG, MVIS or HANS.
During this time of year, it is not important to "bank coin." Now is the time to hunker down, face painted camouflage with knife in hand, while trying to survive and preserve gains, until October.
Naturally, if Mother Market is going to start handing out free money, via large dips in high quality names, "The Fly" will be there to take it. However, for the most part, I anticipate the market to be range bound, as fucktards and "calculator brains" clash for market dominance.
In short, don't rush any trades, else your broke ass will end up on the "vallar system," devoid of real currency.
NOTE: Thus far, the price of dry commodities have been unscathed. Best way to play the dry commodity boom is via DBA.
Fly Buy: iiG
Disclaimer: If you buy iiG because of this post, wild dogs will roam your neighborhood--biting you whenever you go for a walk. And, you may lose money.
Quick Alert: Financial Stocks Getting Murdered
The "hammer of death" is falling on LEH, RDN, CFC, MTG, RWT, FMT, NFI, TMA, CORS, COWN, NLY and BSC.
In short, avoid or sell short the financials, while staying long anything else. Additionally, SRS (short homebuilders) looks good for a trade.
"Which Ones of Y'all Need a Healin'?"
Sector Spotlight: Chinese Stocks
However, it's worth noting, Chinese related stocks are on fire, with big dicked gains in BIDU, LFC, CPSL, CTDC, ZNH, CHNR, QXM, CAAS, JADE, SHI, CTRP and FXI.
Don't ask me why they are up. All I know, those Chinese fuckers have one heck of a rigged market.
NTRI is getting its act together, up more than $3. Also, one my of favorite growth stocks, FTK, is hitting new all time highs. That stock marches to its own beat. Fucking weird.
Finally, I'm a bit busy today. Therefore, I don't have time to fuck around with retards on the internets, helping them make great/fucktarded financial decisions. In short, I feel the market will rally today. Hence, I am buying ATI, iiG and LNN on this dip.
Late Night Thought
Sunday, August 26, 2007
You've Aged Wonderfully
Then, one day, you’re thirty—no matter, you say—I feel the same. I am the same. Yet, you’re no longer the spry energetic embodiment of youth, and even mundane activities like swatting flies around the house makes you sore--and for some reason, bitter.
Oh, and my wife is having twins, so she’s an angry blimp, and all she will eat is cayenne peppers, peanut butter, and sun-dried tomatoes.
Happy Birthday dear Danny, Happy Birthday to you, and many moooooore
Holy fuckistan, did I just nap through my 40th?
Ok, this is ridiculous. I am 44. I didn’t accomplish even 1/5 of the dreams of my youth. I am not a rich as want, and I am not philandering women in the South Baltic sea, and the hair that fell out of my head, in some sick sleight-of-genetic hand, has re-grown on my ass. I tried to do my morning fifty—fifty pushups, fifty sit-ups—I was unable to walk or lift my arms for 6 days.
Now, I am fifty, and time has slowed to a snail’s crawl. I am embittered, having experienced firsthand a number of ass-kickings and financial fuckings doled out by this “great” life of mine. I now organize my pills by day and time. I cannot join AARP, and they won’t let me anywhere near the aerobics lesson at the gymnasium—there was some unpleasantness—I can never go back.
Right around 55, the brain changes yet again. I begin to abhor contractions and abbreviations, and start to smatter my verbiage with increasingly grandiose accoutrements, in a vain attempt to sound like I am something, or to recapture the power of my youth. Oh and I play a LOT of crosswords.
Then, you turn sixty, and life’s caustic condition pushes your bitterness of the top the UCLA’s John C. Dvorak old senile fuck scale. You have resigned to salvage what is left by warning young people of the impending doom and challenges they face. Shouting in the street, “THE END IS NIGH,” seems a viable option, but you do not want to be recognized by the other bridge players around town.
I know, I will open a webpage, goinglikesenility.com!
I suppose that brings us up to speed, so without further adieu, the top five things I disliked about the last poster:
1.) It pissed me the fuck off that he would say "We boomers have $403040506506 in the market," and he would link that number, but not to anything relevant, just to his site. The only times I actually clicked that old fuck’s links, thinking in vain that I'd get a pertinent article, or even a related part of his website, he has to make a mockery of me by simply linking to the home page of goinglikesenility.com
2.)Numerous spelloing and gramatical errors, viz., totally disregarded numerical comma conventions. 44000 or 440000, you tell me, turkey throat.
3.) Was steadfast in the face of resounding opposition. And not in an honorable way, in the 'I am in over my head posting on this site" way. Tell us, once more time why you think, you know what, nevermind.
4.) Ducati-like ability to use one's own horribly skewed persicope to see and assess the world. Incorrectly.
5.) Stocks are the PV of future cash flow. If you can anticipate an increase in future CF and it happens, the stock goes up—magical. Tell me how you pulling 44k out of the market or moving it to fixed income affects the cash flow, of fuck, it doesn’t even have to be creative, MCD, ADM, VLO, BBD. The world is getting smaller.
You claim, in no uncertain words, that double-digit growth is dead, yet, suggest buying a basket of stocks--that for all intents and purposes--tracks the market.
Healthcare, real estate, retail, and cyclical industrial.
I bet the boomers caused the end of montgomery wards, hula hoops, jellies, and clearly canadienne [sic]. Growth stocks come and go, but some things stay the same--Sorry boomer--story of your life, but you're not special enough to be the cause of any precipitous declines in anything.
Hopefully you old farks can use this post as a primer on how to avoid prime suckage at the many crossroads of life.
Oh and a stock tip related to this horseshit?
Dust In The Wind
Here's some more awesome rap to rinse free the taste of brine and cod liver oil.
And now, to celebrate my last night of summer by getting shitfaced. Here's a tip-- drink and spread my gospel--my invented drink called the "Stomach Massacre"
In this order:
1 shot of ice water
1 shot of absinthe
1 shot of jager
1 shot of lime juice.
The shots should be back-to-back-to-back-to-back, in a fluid motion, and for the love of god, don't make that face. It's a lot better than it sounds, you can be assured of that.