Saturday, June 02, 2007
One sandwich short of a picnic
It's also clear at this point that Fly has several stock advantages we, the laymen at home, don't have. This is another reason the weekend janitor usually is ineffective. Jeremy had solid info, and that was helpful for people, but no MVIS. His article was great, but you naggers want a MVIS.
So why compete? Some dickface said "he didn't learn anything from the last post." Well, read it again then, asshole, shit's like Beowulf--you have to read it, like, ten times before you can understand it's deeper meaning. Sure, I could build a house by hand. I know it takes a foundation, some electrical, and a huge backyard for the skatepark/pool. Couple hammers. I could get some "south of the border" friends to help me. Compare that to the guy who's been in the biz for 15 years, who already knows his suppliers and knows which ones are reliable. He, for better or for worse, has material information that I just don't have. Reading some reviews on Yelp about the materials guy won't help either--It's the contractor who's been at it for years and saw this guy go bankrupt three times due to incompetence that really knows. If you haven't figured out the allusion yet, Fly is the contractor, and we all are out here using mudbrick and cardboard to build homes on a mountainside of raw sewage.
Some do better than others do, but those are just the facts, and it is why I am hesitant to offer much in the form of stock picks. Besides, there's my blog and perhaps a Sunday post for that.
What I do want to offer is some personal finance advice.
1.) If you have been trounced in this market, you must be psychotically over-trading, extremely fucking lame, or both. In all likelihood, you will soon be homeless, your friends and family will turn their collective back on you, and honestly, it's because you're disgusting. Every man's worst nightmare. What I would do, is on the first day of being homeless, sign up at the gym closest the local college. This is great because the gym is open 24 hrs a day, six days a week. That is almost a hot shower a day! Not to mention the luxury of free sauna and extremely hot bitches in spandex. My god, I need to get my shit to the gym right now. The idea is on the first day you won't be as homeless and scummy, making you more welcomed at the sign-up booth. Finally, on the issue of cost, it is $16/month. That's a little over 50¢ per day you have to panhandle to support that membership. Given that leprotic Larry down by Ralph's does several dollars a day, it's reasonable to expect $1 per day from you. If you followed that plan, you would be the most toned and relaxed degenerate in town.
2.) This one is a bit more complex and requires what were here in the biz like to call "gumption." A contract is only legally binding if, ok you know what? Fuck it. Contract law is hard. But here's the skinny:
Create a website with godaddy.com, and design it so it is convincing, and create the image that you are a hit man for hire. Also, create a c-corp. and designate it is a non-profit outfit to help support anti-crime initiatives. Charge $12,000 per hit, that way there is no tax-liability for the payer. You have to really sell it to the person that you are going to kill someone, otherwise they might not buy it. Say you got guys in every city. Fuck, you could probably just post a job in the craiglist for the city of the hit and find some guys willing to play along for a few hundred samolians.
Obviously, no one gets killed, merely insert in the recesses of the fine print that there is no refund, or guarantee. You report the idiot that tried to hire you, you pay yourself 30% as your admin salary, and rest you donate to charity. I believe there are millions of fucking retards out there, several hundred reading this, and if even one in every 10 million Americans is psychotic enough, they will increasingly rely on the internet to find their New Jersey hacks, and that’s like 30 customers. Getting paid (12,000 X 30 X .3) = $108,000 to get crime off dem streets is fucking legit, especially if you are homeless and use the free wireless at the café across from Starbucks.
Oh, I don’t think SBUX is cheap enough yet. There’s a fucking tip, now fuck off, and fuck your sister, and your cat. I would have fucked your mom, but the bitch was too fat. Sorry, I broke out into song there.
“Res Ipsa Loquitor”
*Impostor Jeremy-- Change your alias at once. I will under no circumstances allow my excellent reputation to be tarnished by your shameful conduct. I demand that you comply immediately or brace yourself for impending "Internet laser beam" devastation.
*Danny-- Well done! I would say that your efforts approach my own splendor, but that would be a bit too generous.
Nevertheless, I hope to see you carry the torch that I could no longer suffer. You see, like "The Fly," I don't have time to be communicating with retards on the Internets. Indeed, many of you undoubtedly recall the tremendous demands on my schedule that previously forced me to sadly retire my office as weekend blogger (despite my UNPARALLELED ELECTORAL TRIUMPH and my cult of personality).
However, I will be so bold as to make one departing suggestion to the man in charge:
"Fly on WallStreet-- Managing Real Money Live"
should now be,
"Fly on WallStreet-- Where the Fly Attracts Shit"
THAT IS ALL.
Just kiddin Danny, Thanks for writin this weekend.
BTW was that you I saw at the Chi's Chi's fiesta happy hour--loading up on free chips,and chimichanga's. Man you know all the tricks.
So, off to Walgreens on my new skateboard, to purchase a can of computer dusting spray.
Listen up. I don't care what guest blogger Danny says, don't do the cat! It will take weeks for the scratches to heal and if you do it right you will never get the sound of the cats bones breaking out of your mind. Almost as bad a sound as chicken bones.
Thanks for the compliments, peoples.
Fucktard, it is never too late.
Jon, my website was deisgned by Gehry, you just don't understand it's conceptualist form-over-function nature. Sorry.
If MVIS is bought by HP it better not happen until 2015 and with a 50x multiple. I'm not letting my multibagger be stolen out from under me by some sophomoric rubes trying to stay fresh...
about the site you plucked that article from:
Useless Knowledge Magazine:
"We have published more than 10,000 exclusive articles written by hundreds of different writers from all around the world. ALL ARTICLES GO THROUGH A FORMAL EDITORIAL-REVIEW PROCESS!!! The views expressed are those of the individual writer and do not necessarily reflect those of the editor, readers, or other writers. "
(Disclosure – the author owns shares in some of the stocks mentioned in this article).
About the author: Dwayne Hines, Certified Personal Trainer, currently has 12 books selling in major bookstores and writes for major magazines such as Physical and FitnessRX. "
No accountability, no credibility. Somehow, it is not surprising you browse this website Jeff, but I suppose, thanks for bringing it to our attention. Now go water the fucking flowers.
Some funny lines, but my favorite was "...shit's like Beowulf--you have to read it, like, ten times before you can understand it's deeper meaning."
I appreciate and share your concern, Bullish Jim, which is why after I get my CPA, I will never work in the acct. field. I just got the degree to understand how a business works, something I felt I wouldn't learn as effectively if I was a finance major. All acct. jobs suck ballstein.
--It's true, too, as most of my friends who are graduating with a finance degree know a lot less about simple things like what working capital really is, how the "inventory" and "depreciation" parts of the statement of CF work. Not to mention all the personal and corporate tax I had to learn, finance guys, at least out of college, don't know it.
I will open a business, most likely. I already have had a few before, but the future ones I anticipate will be a lot larger, and hopefully more successful.
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