Friday, June 01, 2007
These People Really Annoy Me: N_GGERS.
I was going to title this "Incredibly Fucking Awesome; A Treatise on Superbery," but I decided instead to borrow a phrase from South Park, as the general topic of this post is why the other weekend bloggers of yore have sucked the indoor-side of an elephant's asshole.
The answer to the titular question, of course, is "naggers." That's what most of the people here are--worthless fucking naggers. "Fly, why is LOCM up 1 penny today?” "Fly can you tell me some good investments for my mother? She is 45, and has a propensity towards raising stupid children." "Fly, I notced MVIS has warrents, wht does ths mean?" Nag, Nag, Nag, and so on. This guy's free blog has been Enzyte for my wallet for bordering on a year now, and all most of you cunts can do is whine about the minutia that occurs here. I bet that comparison hits a little too close to home for some of Fly's readers who area little more methusalaic (talking to you, Richard). Now mind you, there are some intelligent people who come here, but they are few and far between. You can't just hand the reins over to anyone.
So it is in this troubled time for weekend Fly-dom that I have been selected to help reign in a new era of hope and information here on this fucking epic blog. Where other weekend bloggers have failed, I will invariably succeed. Maybe other bloggers blog for the benefit of humanity, or information dispersal, but this blog is intended to be as undemocratic and self-serving as possible. Believe me, things are gonna be diff'rent 'round here on the weekends.
Every weekend, some barely literate, fisherman-welsh guy posts something that brings little or nothing to the table. I'm not naming names, but I am talking about Kidstock and Ducati. Sure, they might seem like your "run-of-the-mill internets sociopath" or "common ritard," but they, like you, the proletariat, are not blessed with prodigious faculty--Fly, now he has something to post about. The weekend blogger, aka "expert for a day" lacks any credibility with the audience, because frankly, who the fuck are they to be telling me what to buy, or how they are choosing to spend their measly stipend? Fly says buy MVIS, NTRI, harness the spirit of the buffalo? OK, worth looking into. Douchey-la-femme sez, "a top is here," "short VLO," and "BWLD to $2,” and I do what with that? I politely say, “no thanks,” then kindly invite them to die slow.
The bloggers suck, then they are ousted by people who suck. It's just an ineffective weekend system, one in need of tweaking. My content will be both resplendent and domineering, flooding all five senses and forcing all to bask within its warming, basking, warming-glow. I know my picks are on point--Check out my blog. It rules so severely, I sometimes question the legality of it all. My site has a monopoly on awesome content, because it is partnered directly with my brain. Like, it is heinous how much that thing rules, and because as a 22-year-old native San Diegan, I am a world authority on cool, I can tell that this is now the fucking site. Should you be forced to visit only one URL for the rest of your life, I can safely bet your quality of living would go up markedly if you visited only this one. Your vocabulary would improve, members of the opposite sex may find you more worldly, and the curvature in your spine will begin to straighten. In fact, I encourage you to make this your homepage, now, so when it’s on TV, you can tell your friends at the public swimming pool, “Hey Pete, you know that’s my homepage? See, I knew about it before it was famous.” You know you want that.
The answer to the titular question, of course, is "naggers." That's what most of the people here are--worthless fucking naggers. "Fly, why is LOCM up 1 penny today?” "Fly can you tell me some good investments for my mother? She is 45, and has a propensity towards raising stupid children." "Fly, I notced MVIS has warrents, wht does ths mean?" Nag, Nag, Nag, and so on. This guy's free blog has been Enzyte for my wallet for bordering on a year now, and all most of you cunts can do is whine about the minutia that occurs here. I bet that comparison hits a little too close to home for some of Fly's readers who area little more methusalaic (talking to you, Richard). Now mind you, there are some intelligent people who come here, but they are few and far between. You can't just hand the reins over to anyone.
So it is in this troubled time for weekend Fly-dom that I have been selected to help reign in a new era of hope and information here on this fucking epic blog. Where other weekend bloggers have failed, I will invariably succeed. Maybe other bloggers blog for the benefit of humanity, or information dispersal, but this blog is intended to be as undemocratic and self-serving as possible. Believe me, things are gonna be diff'rent 'round here on the weekends.
Every weekend, some barely literate, fisherman-welsh guy posts something that brings little or nothing to the table. I'm not naming names, but I am talking about Kidstock and Ducati. Sure, they might seem like your "run-of-the-mill internets sociopath" or "common ritard," but they, like you, the proletariat, are not blessed with prodigious faculty--Fly, now he has something to post about. The weekend blogger, aka "expert for a day" lacks any credibility with the audience, because frankly, who the fuck are they to be telling me what to buy, or how they are choosing to spend their measly stipend? Fly says buy MVIS, NTRI, harness the spirit of the buffalo? OK, worth looking into. Douchey-la-femme sez, "a top is here," "short VLO," and "BWLD to $2,” and I do what with that? I politely say, “no thanks,” then kindly invite them to die slow.
The bloggers suck, then they are ousted by people who suck. It's just an ineffective weekend system, one in need of tweaking. My content will be both resplendent and domineering, flooding all five senses and forcing all to bask within its warming, basking, warming-glow. I know my picks are on point--Check out my blog. It rules so severely, I sometimes question the legality of it all. My site has a monopoly on awesome content, because it is partnered directly with my brain. Like, it is heinous how much that thing rules, and because as a 22-year-old native San Diegan, I am a world authority on cool, I can tell that this is now the fucking site. Should you be forced to visit only one URL for the rest of your life, I can safely bet your quality of living would go up markedly if you visited only this one. Your vocabulary would improve, members of the opposite sex may find you more worldly, and the curvature in your spine will begin to straighten. In fact, I encourage you to make this your homepage, now, so when it’s on TV, you can tell your friends at the public swimming pool, “Hey Pete, you know that’s my homepage? See, I knew about it before it was famous.” You know you want that.
