Monday, August 06, 2007
Alert: CNBC is still gay
There was a headline on CNBC, you know the one that pops up with *CNBC alert* on both sides, and it was so stupid, I just blacked out.
The blackout delayed my lambast, but as part of my never-ending mission of hilighting professional stupidity or "petarded punditry," I will now attempt to expound upon this horseshit of an alert I saw.
It read: "Analysts say that diversified banks face less risk"
*CNBC ALERT:* Analyst looks up definition of "diversification." Hilarity ensues.
What is that shit? Thanks for explaining the rally in banks today, you clown-shoe cat fucker.
Did he just not, on national TV, merely define diversification? Is that it? What is this, the Ayn Rand objectivism hour? Subjective feelings--they don't matter--here is reality independent of man's wishes--Nearly 100% of murders are the result of homicide. Breaking news?
I can hear them responding now..."At CNBC, we are proud to report *the facts.* We feel it is our duty to....blah blah blah." Great, thanks--meaningless, sweeping generalizations.
My predictions for some of the many informative alerts that will surely grace tomorrow's screen:
"CNBC ALERT:* New study by BSC finds markets may have systemic risk. "
Thankfully, a new derivative Hedge Fund has been formed to find a way around the pesky issue. Tuning in live, this is Michelle Caruso-Cabrera-Colostomy-Bag.
"CNBC ALERT:* OTM calls found to be composed entirely of premium, financial markets collapse as investors debate the true value of time"
And finally:
*CNBC ALERT:* Bernanke agrees sub-prime woes, "may or may not affect businesses materially."
It's crazy out there.
The blackout delayed my lambast, but as part of my never-ending mission of hilighting professional stupidity or "petarded punditry," I will now attempt to expound upon this horseshit of an alert I saw.
It read: "Analysts say that diversified banks face less risk"
*CNBC ALERT:* Analyst looks up definition of "diversification." Hilarity ensues.
What is that shit? Thanks for explaining the rally in banks today, you clown-shoe cat fucker.
Did he just not, on national TV, merely define diversification? Is that it? What is this, the Ayn Rand objectivism hour? Subjective feelings--they don't matter--here is reality independent of man's wishes--Nearly 100% of murders are the result of homicide. Breaking news?
I can hear them responding now..."At CNBC, we are proud to report *the facts.* We feel it is our duty to....blah blah blah." Great, thanks--meaningless, sweeping generalizations.
My predictions for some of the many informative alerts that will surely grace tomorrow's screen:
"CNBC ALERT:* New study by BSC finds markets may have systemic risk. "
Thankfully, a new derivative Hedge Fund has been formed to find a way around the pesky issue. Tuning in live, this is Michelle Caruso-Cabrera-Colostomy-Bag.
"CNBC ALERT:* OTM calls found to be composed entirely of premium, financial markets collapse as investors debate the true value of time"
And finally:
*CNBC ALERT:* Bernanke agrees sub-prime woes, "may or may not affect businesses materially."
It's crazy out there.
Comments:
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If you can merely inject the word "subprime" and the phrase "repricing of risk" into every one of your sentences, you're guaranteed face time on CNBC.
lol. EXACTLY.
I should go on the air. I want to see erin in person, but I wouldn't want to be let down, if she had a secret fat ass I didn't know about.
I should go on the air. I want to see erin in person, but I wouldn't want to be let down, if she had a secret fat ass I didn't know about.
Help I'm in moutain fucker hell, while the market is breaking jaws.
In case you are wondering, I covered my LAZ short and sold SRS-- for a profit, first thing this morning.
Then, I had my lazy fucking trader/servant buy some LEH and GS, despite selling LEH on Friday.
Fuck you, it was lower; I can do shit like that.
In short, if it wasn't for the fat tits on MVIS, I looked pretty good today, despite being in the middle of fucking nowhere.
As for some of you goat fucking retards, who keep talking shit behind my back, when I get back I will track you down and punch your eyebrows off, while you're on vacation.
Good job filling in Danny/Wood, despite the dramatic drop in traffic due to obvious indifference.
NOTE: If MVIS does not trade up tomorrow, Danny and Wood are both fired.
Just kidding.
No, seriously, you'll be fucking outta here faster than a midget in a cannon.
In case you are wondering, I covered my LAZ short and sold SRS-- for a profit, first thing this morning.
Then, I had my lazy fucking trader/servant buy some LEH and GS, despite selling LEH on Friday.
Fuck you, it was lower; I can do shit like that.
In short, if it wasn't for the fat tits on MVIS, I looked pretty good today, despite being in the middle of fucking nowhere.
As for some of you goat fucking retards, who keep talking shit behind my back, when I get back I will track you down and punch your eyebrows off, while you're on vacation.
Good job filling in Danny/Wood, despite the dramatic drop in traffic due to obvious indifference.
NOTE: If MVIS does not trade up tomorrow, Danny and Wood are both fired.
Just kidding.
No, seriously, you'll be fucking outta here faster than a midget in a cannon.
Danny
I hate to break bad news, but I saw Erin on that gay Millionaire Inside show the other week all "dolled" up, and I'm pretty sure she's got some junk in the trunk. She definitely looked thick from the waist down. Bummer I know.
I hate to break bad news, but I saw Erin on that gay Millionaire Inside show the other week all "dolled" up, and I'm pretty sure she's got some junk in the trunk. She definitely looked thick from the waist down. Bummer I know.
Polishedknob--
I saw that shit, you little fucker.
Yes, I covered at the bottom of the days range and bought near the lows.
Someone has to do it, why can't it be me?
Now go fuck an otter. Goats are too good for you.
Got to run, I think my wife is coming.
I saw that shit, you little fucker.
Yes, I covered at the bottom of the days range and bought near the lows.
Someone has to do it, why can't it be me?
Now go fuck an otter. Goats are too good for you.
Got to run, I think my wife is coming.
Why do you people watch CNBC? I'm pretty sure it has the same effect on the brain as years and years of sniffing glue
DISCLAIMER: If you watch CNBC because of this post you will turn gay and drool uncontrollably, and you will likely lose money.
DISCLAIMER: If you watch CNBC because of this post you will turn gay and drool uncontrollably, and you will likely lose money.
MVIS is sitting on major technical support on the up-trend. I sure hope it holds or this could be ungodly nasty. We need broker to tell us where all of this douchebag selling is coming from.
# posted by 
: 8:25 AM
: 8:25 AM
Maybe the selling is from Broker A. After all he gave you DIVX, NTRI, MCHX, BBY, and that stupid phone company thing.
Never mind since he's god.
Never mind since he's god.
Are those JJ's posts that are being deleted? Spamming assclown.
For those inclined, head over to the SWC Yahoo! board and join in the fun... seems JJ is well loved there too. Not.
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For those inclined, head over to the SWC Yahoo! board and join in the fun... seems JJ is well loved there too. Not.
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