Saturday, June 09, 2007

 

SEARCH FOR MONSTER JAVA



Fuckin' youtube. I had to pick youtube, despite its poorer quality, because my video would have been rejected at the door if I had used revver--total fucking shame that is, because then I would have been paid some small fee per click. Unfortunately, their copyright protection is more stringent than youtube's, as they require that even the music used in the video be legally owned. I sadly reveal that I don't own the rights to The Doors, Led Zeppelin, Wu-Tang, and Ludacris, whose glorious musical works I tastefully sampled. Not yet, at least, and when they are mine, I will license them to the Apple iStore.

Some key facts about the video that you, the viewer, may find useful:

- I sincerely apologize for misspelling "harness" near the end of the video. I noticed it after I compressed it, and didn't want to wait an hour to compress it again. I'm sure you'll understand, as this single post cost $60 and was more work than any other post from any other person who has a blog and comes here. Except maybe Howard, but his budget is higher.

- Cameraman quit after one day, and he filmed everything with horrible exposure. I had to use a tripod to film at the beach. Regarding the girl at the end, I coincidentally ended up vaguely knowing her through mutual friends and she invited me back to her apartment to drink. I did get her number. That was a stroke of good luck. Great success! The other girls were totally random.

- A lot of dudes wanted free drinks and they got 'em. Like, I was basically accosted. "Dude, you work for monster?" "Is this a movie" [Ed. note: yeah, it is, can't you see all the lights and the catering and the actors? Fucking beach idiots] "Can I have a drink?" --Sure, they liked em, but fortunately, this wasn't a film about what men like. TG can make that movie.

- NO ONE, NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON HAD HEARD OF MONSTER JAVA. HANS, DISTRIBUTE I think I make this clear in the video too. There seems to be an interested market of 20-somethings who want to drink this.

- The scenes that didn't make it into the movie were more telling, they just lacked entertainment value. The girls denied to be interviewed mainly because they were too busy, didn't want to be on camera, or didn't like energy drinks. The one girl who didn't like coffee was still willing to try the drink because she liked energy drinks. This leads me to believe that "energy drinks" have a bad connotation among more health-conscious people, who view them as either unhealthy or fattening, and perhaps java should avoid the "energy drink" labeling. People don't associate coffee as something harmful health-wise, and they already know coffee gives you energy. I found the percentage of people who dislike coffee is low.

- Everyone agreed on one thing, whether they loved it or hated it: How gross it didn't taste. Some people were like, "Monster...Coffee? (with a 'gross' face)" So this again lends credence to my belief that Hansen should market this as NOT an energy drink, but something totally different. Perhaps it's complimentary to Hansen that the mere mention of an "energy drink" instantly evoked in the listener the flavor of Monster. But, it is detrimental that they know this flavor so well--it is in congruence with the "gross" face that always popped up at the mention of such a combo. Mixing Monster and coffee would indeed be fucking gross. Everyone expressed that same initial reaction: "Wow, this wasn't gross at all, I like it," or, "Wow, this wasn't as bad as I thought, but I still don't like it for XYZ reason."

Another reason they need to market it different is that it may help reduce cannibalization--if as a consumer I know that Java could replace an energy drink (Monster) I would never buy Monster shit again. That would do waaay more harm than good, because I believe Java is that much better tasting than regular Monster. I really has to be marketed differently. Maybe it already is, but since I haven't seen any ads for it yet, I am unsure of what their angle is, but I sure hope it's different.

- I think they definitely have a huge Starbucks killer here. I was asking people as they left a Starbucks if they liked it, and they did, even with the SBUX's coffee fresh in their mouths.

This isn't the best video, but certainly nowhere near the worst video I've ever made. I learned a lot, and am now MORE comfortable with my large HANS position. I feel like I saw their version of a PicoP, and I am renewed in my excitement for the company and stock going forward. I see this drink refueling the energized growth rate it enjoyed a few years ago, growth, I might add, that few analysts foresee returning to HANS. As we saw from AAPL, predicting the near-obvious before myopic analysts is always a winning combination. Long live the Java, SBUX killer!!!

Comments:
Fuck the elections. This video was great, despite your unfortunate misspelling of the word "harness."

In short, this video owns. Good job, Danny.

Just today, prior to taking my 10 year old son to a baseball game, I bought 2 Java Loca Moca's.

To my surprise, the store clerk said the new "Java Monster" sales were outstripping the energy soda.

With HANS trading at 19x 2008 earnings, I believe the stock can be a monster winner--pun intended, fuckers.
 
Tyranny reigns sweet once more. I knew I had the Castro blood in me.

Loca Moca was the best flavor. I didn't really like "Big Black," which is funny, because that's how I drink my real coffee, black. I also like Mean Bean (vanilla).

Regarding my video, it should be noted that now that I've watched it a few times, I can safely say the music selection is impeccable.
 
lmao that was fuckin' great. good job dude.
 
nice job. still cant find the stuff in music city, usa.

broker - you just turned 31 and have a 10 yr old? you a breeder or something?

kidding, i have a six year old.
 
"kidding, i have a six year old."

What are you 50?
 
broker a,

any recommendation on HANS options?

Thanks
 
Stay long, fucker.

HANS to $68 by 2008.
 
That video could have been better. Those chicks were like B team San Diego hoochies.
 
Agreed. While I applaud Danny's efforts the video clearly shows the voting majority was correct in it's original decision.
 
Although the chick that invited you in looked pretty hot, I have hotter chicks passed out on my bathroom floor right now. True Story.
 
Listen, I'm not judging you at all but you are quite the fag for posting here while said "hotter chick" is passed out on your bathroom floor.

As for me, my wife is far hotter than any of those broads in that video.
 
no doubt. But give me credit for what I was working with...4pm on a wednesday during summer school? And the beach? got there late as hell, by myself, thank god I found that girl I sorta knew.

plus, picking up a girl is easy compared to approaching em with a camera and a bag of drinks--that scares em away. Crux, passed out on floor of bathroom ain't nowhere near ≠ to passed out naked on bathroom floor, so, great story you have there. I think only a few said no, so I was still generally on point.


And she is pretty hot btw. And she has good stories about vegas, like the time she smoked a blunt with mark wahlberg.

but yeah, SD could have been repped better, I was pressed for time on whore-finding.

OH and of course,

fuck you
 
btrader< i agree with you, your is wife hot.

what's he gonna do, screw a passed out girl?

but really, what are you doing here, crux? at least try and revive her.
 
Danny, thanks.

My point, if Crux has a passed out chick in the bathroom, he clearly did something wrong tonight since he is posting here. That, or he's a fag.

Not that there' anything wrong with that.
 
I agree, Crux is a homo.

Off to late night driving.
 
To all concerned parties:

Said passed out girl is alive and well.

-Crux
 
Danny,
Fuck what some of these homo's are saying. You are in the middle of getting a masters degree, and have time to create something funny, insightful, and pretty damn cool. I respect that.

Fly, good job at bringing on talent.
 
Nice video, Danny. You are the man.
 
Danny, finally had a chance to watch it! Good stuff! I really enjoyed it. Did you send it to HANS yet?

By the way Red Bull tastes like crap, so HANS really needs that shelf space.
 
Well scripted video danny.
 
Danny, "Very Nice" with a Borat accent.

The funniest scene in the whole thing was when the girl you "sort of knew" wiped your DNA off the can when you traded cans.

Broker A- you better fucking send him $60 for that effort (don't be a tight-ass). Lets do Wild Wings or Nutri-System next week.

Who's gonna get whacked tonight?
 
LMAO at the part where you are in Costco commenting on the TV box with the skateboarder on it. I took those pictures!

Sure they may be hokey, but the license fee alone is $6K and if the box is still at Costco this time next year, they pay me again.

Great video. No election necessary.
 
Danny, hilarious video. Stella for breakfast, that is a fine choice, and I like the aviators too.
 
Danny,

You did a fantastic job! I enjoyed your video, and the music selection was impeccable. I'm buying more HANS tomorrow!
 
thanks for the comments all, tey are appreciated.

I have not sent to HANS yet.

nncoco - that is some funny shit! What a fucking riot...6k is enough is enough to let my normally rigid moral composure be swayed into taking hokey skate pics

FWIW, there wasn't a script, I kinda made it up as I went (that should be suprising, or obvious, or both).

Also, the whole thing was edited on an Apple, go AAPL.
 
Danny,

Nice.

Great job with the audio editing btw... and as for the comments on the girls, you deserve credit for approaching them with a plastic bag full of non-alcoholic drinks and getting spoken to.

Thanks,

-DT
 
Danny, you should continue on with this "Cinemagic". David McKenna watch out!
 
Great fucking work, Danny. Keep that sweet shit up.
 
Roger Ebert says "a funfilled adventure through San Diego looking for the Monster drink and hot coeds." Actor/Director/Producer Danny shows his versatility throughout the film. This is the cheerful (and slightly intoxicated) Danny's first documentary and makes Michael Moore look like the fucktard he is. Definitely an inspiring film for the family but beware of the language. Two thumbs up!!!
 
You get an A for effort for sure.

Your writting has improved because your not trying to use $20 words for every noun and verb in your sentences.

You mispelled "harness." Who cares! This isn't a Comp II class.

Not bad.
 
Fly (God) was right again. Sopranos is one of the most overrated shows. That was the worst finale ever filmed. Entourage is the show.
 
This comment has been removed by the author.
 
It hasn't shown on the west yet, you better not post anything to ruin it.
 
sopranos sucked, finale blows.
 
"Entourage" is my "new fav" as a dumb blonde would say. I lost track of Sopranos awhile back.
 
somehow i think the wired stuff got that monster beat. i only had half a can of 294 and by 4:30 sunday morning i was still wide awake and trying to buy MVIS. the 344 should be illegal... http://www.wiredenergydrink.com/x344.htm
 
hmmm...

A bit scruffy around the neck area - could use a shave.

Looks to be a nice shoe size.

Neat and tidy.

Has 2 sets of "wheels".

Very good.

btw, nice Jag dispenser! Wonder what a shot of that dropped in a glass of the MonJava would taste like?

;)

Cheers to you! Nicely done!
 
fly... set that top 468x60 adsense spot to accept image ads as well as text ads.
 
Well, I just went to the local gas station (energy drink superstore) and bought my first Loca Moca. The ladies at the register said they couldn't keep the stuff in stock, and they were absolutely addicted themselves. The station did have a nice display of Monster, but I think it helps that they are energy drink connoisseur's.

I am not a coffee drinker, but I think the Loca Moca actually taste's pretty good.
 
Even when I shave, I get a homer simpson-esque 5 o'clock shadow the next day.

You're pretty damn observant TG
Shoe is 10, room is tidy, and the jeep was my friend's, who was filming, so only 1 car...for now. :)

Regarding the jagerator, which shoots out shots at below freezing temperatures (no lie!), it tastes de-goddamn-licious. I tried it, I should have filmed it, what was I thinking?
 
I think she meant two sets of wheels on your board. Well done, Danny. I take back that comment about suckin' balls last week.
 
Danny,

"You're pretty damn observant TG"

Yes.

As far as the wheels, I was not talking about the Jeep, I was talking about 1 car and your board.

You are a starving student afterall, so I would not think you would have 2 cars.

;)
 
great video. hans distribution seems to be fucking terrible.

what's the name of the funky song that's playing when you're in 7-11?
 
"bam bam" - sister nancy
 
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