Fly on WallStreet

Fuckin' youtube. I had to pick youtube, despite its poorer quality, because my video would have been rejected at the door if I had used revver--total fucking shame that is, because then I would have been paid some small fee per click. Unfortunately, their copyright protection is more stringent than youtube's, as they require that even the music used in the video be legally owned. I sadly reveal that I don't own the rights to The Doors, Led Zeppelin, Wu-Tang, and Ludacris, whose glorious musical works I tastefully sampled. Not yet, at least, and when they are mine, I will license them to the Apple iStore.

Some key facts about the video that you, the viewer, may find useful:

- I sincerely apologize for misspelling "harness" near the end of the video. I noticed it after I compressed it, and didn't want to wait an hour to compress it again. I'm sure you'll understand, as this single post cost $60 and was more work than any other post from any other person who has a blog and comes here. Except maybe Howard, but his budget is higher.

- Cameraman quit after one day, and he filmed everything with horrible exposure. I had to use a tripod to film at the beach. Regarding the girl at the end, I coincidentally ended up vaguely knowing her through mutual friends and she invited me back to her apartment to drink. I did get her number. That was a stroke of good luck. Great success! The other girls were totally random.

- A lot of dudes wanted free drinks and they got 'em. Like, I was basically accosted. "Dude, you work for monster?" "Is this a movie" [Ed. note: yeah, it is, can't you see all the lights and the catering and the actors? Fucking beach idiots] "Can I have a drink?" --Sure, they liked em, but fortunately, this wasn't a film about what men like. TG can make that movie.

- NO ONE, NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON HAD HEARD OF MONSTER JAVA. HANS, DISTRIBUTE I think I make this clear in the video too. There seems to be an interested market of 20-somethings who want to drink this.

- The scenes that didn't make it into the movie were more telling, they just lacked entertainment value. The girls denied to be interviewed mainly because they were too busy, didn't want to be on camera, or didn't like energy drinks. The one girl who didn't like coffee was still willing to try the drink because she liked energy drinks. This leads me to believe that "energy drinks" have a bad connotation among more health-conscious people, who view them as either unhealthy or fattening, and perhaps java should avoid the "energy drink" labeling. People don't associate coffee as something harmful health-wise, and they already know coffee gives you energy. I found the percentage of people who dislike coffee is low.

- Everyone agreed on one thing, whether they loved it or hated it: How gross it didn't taste. Some people were like, "Monster...Coffee? (with a 'gross' face)" So this again lends credence to my belief that Hansen should market this as NOT an energy drink, but something totally different. Perhaps it's complimentary to Hansen that the mere mention of an "energy drink" instantly evoked in the listener the flavor of Monster. But, it is detrimental that they know this flavor so well--it is in congruence with the "gross" face that always popped up at the mention of such a combo. Mixing Monster and coffee would indeed be fucking gross. Everyone expressed that same initial reaction: "Wow, this wasn't gross at all, I like it," or, "Wow, this wasn't as bad as I thought, but I still don't like it for XYZ reason."

Another reason they need to market it different is that it may help reduce cannibalization--if as a consumer I know that Java could replace an energy drink (Monster) I would never buy Monster shit again. That would do waaay more harm than good, because I believe Java is that much better tasting than regular Monster. I really has to be marketed differently. Maybe it already is, but since I haven't seen any ads for it yet, I am unsure of what their angle is, but I sure hope it's different.

- I think they definitely have a huge Starbucks killer here. I was asking people as they left a Starbucks if they liked it, and they did, even with the SBUX's coffee fresh in their mouths.

This isn't the best video, but certainly nowhere near the worst video I've ever made. I learned a lot, and am now MORE comfortable with my large HANS position. I feel like I saw their version of a PicoP, and I am renewed in my excitement for the company and stock going forward. I see this drink refueling the energized growth rate it enjoyed a few years ago, growth, I might add, that few analysts foresee returning to HANS. As we saw from AAPL, predicting the near-obvious before myopic analysts is always a winning combination. Long live the Java, SBUX killer!!!